I'm married, MARRIED now. One year down, forever to go...it's our ANNIVERSARY!!!!
I've learned a lot in these last twelve months. Marriage isn't for the faint of heart, nor the lazy, entitled, selfish, and visionless. People often enter this agreement wearing rose-colored glasses expecting their spouse to fulfill unmet goals, unrealistic expectations, and impractical fantasies. None of which our partner has signed on for. Even with guiding principles and wisdom from those before us, marriage is a constant evolution and learning experience formulated by you and the one to whom you said "I do!"
When I woke in the morning on June 26th, 2019 the day was gloomy (hey, June Gloom) and my first thought when I opened my eyes was "Oh, Shit. I'm getting married." As the butterflies in my stomach alerted me to the seriousness of the day, I prayed. And as my feet touched the floor I felt sheer contentment and joy for what lay ahead. I was excited and about to marry the man who had become my best friend, confidant, baby daddy, sometimes mentor, and often my voice of reason.
I'd seen Cyr-Modeste in just about every lane except multi-millionaire. Lol! I'd learned most of his flaws and simply adored his strengths. He was just about everything I wanted in a husband - if I was to ever marry. He's accomplished, confident, ambitious, highly educated, and intelligent. Loving and disciplined, charismatic, and outgoing, comes from a strong-willed and loving family, his morals and values mirror mine. He's traveled the world, he's bilingual (and happens to be from Paris which is on my vision board as a business and lifestyle goal location); is knowledgeable and disciplined in the areas and ways that I am not - not to mention he's 6'1, enjoys the same music that I do and knows how to move, and he loves God - like I said - damn near everything on my list!
Like most women, I too had deal-breakers, and not dating a man with kids was on the top of my list. I simply didn't want to deal with the (potential) drama. Plus, I wanted to be the first woman to have kids with my future husband. Cyr was divorced with two smart, charismatic, and sweet boys, and after spending years around them all, I fell in love with them and deeply in love with the man and daddy that Cyr is to them. I never understood how he could balance being a dedicated parent and still find the time to focus on a woman.
As a single father with primary custody, he didn't have space to date as most single people have, and that was tough for me some days. Yet, he did a good job of understanding and adapting to my single behavior as well, while also making me feel cared for, capable, and the final piece of his puzzle. Not only did he shatter stereotypes, but he also changed my heart towards marriage, kids, and challenged me to be all that I (deep-down) wanted to become.
Marriage is an exciting and sometimes exhausting partnership that will also highlight every area of your life that you need to improve. We often hear proclamations such as "she makes me better" or "he changed my life" and "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her..." or "he's my rock" but rarely do we hear HOW these declarations come to be. So, how exactly do they come to pass? Through blood, sweat, and tears that's how! Lol!
Modeste's influence in my life has indeed made me a better woman. I've grown more relaxed, patient, and calm. I've sharpened my skills and instincts. I've pursued ambitious goals because of his support and guidance. I'm more confident and comfortable in my own skin - I attribute this to motherhood as well, which he's also partially responsible for...I'm slowly learning to temper my thoughts to that of a strategic wife and woman, versus a hot-headed woman that feels unseen, unheard, and not respected unless I spew every thought and feeling from my body. There's something to be said for those who truly understand the act of submission prior to marriage. Truth be told, I always did what I wanted to do - regardless of the consequences. Every day I learn that submission isn't meant to incite abuse of power or control. In fact, it's something we learn and practice from birth. We submit to our parents, our bosses, our coaches, the government - you get the point. Submission is meant to protect, teach, serve, and maintain order. Submitting to my husband actually makes my life easier, our marriage healthier, and more enjoyable. He's proven himself worth submitting to...
Becoming a wife forces you to step your game up. A marathon and not a sprint - either you step up to the plate or your marriage will deteriorate - simple as that. You can choose to win and face each day head-on with a pure and gentle heart, or you can choose to be right (even if you are right). You can choose to learn and own your position as The Wife or become resentful because of its complex nature in marriage and it's (untaught) responsibilities. Marriage isn't for everyone. And as someone who wasn't sure that I ever wanted to be married in the first place can attest to, you better be sure of why and who you marry before saying those two, dreamy words!
We planned to have a traditional ceremony and celebration with our loved ones in Paris on July 30, 2020. I remember asking my husband if we could choose a date close to my birthday so that we could celebrate both while we are in Paris, he surprisingly said "yes." But we began to face obstacle after obstacle while planning and took it as a sign - then the Coronavirus happened. God's timing is always perfect.
Our civil ceremony was absolutely perfect. We married at the Beverly Hills courthouse and we left completely fulfilled. We looked and felt AMAZING!! I never daydreamed about being married and what my wedding day would be like but I wouldn't change a thing.
If I could have done anything differently, it would be to share my vows with him on that day instead of waiting for our ceremony in Paris. And that's only because I now know that Paris couldn't and wouldn't have happened this year. I contemplated sharing my vows here as a surprise to my husband but decided to wait until we stand together in front of our nearest and dearest. I want to look him straight in his eyes to see and feel the emotion that such an expression of my love for him will bring.
Would I marry him again? Yes.
Do I wish I had worked on myself a bit more before getting married? Yes.
But I'm proud to say that I tend to grow at the speed of light and so has our marriage.
I Love You, Baby. Thanks for working, learning, and growing with me. You're my Homie, Lover, Friend.
Happy Paper Anniversary My Love. I will love and fight with you forever.
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